Finding Purpose in the Seasons of Life

The Forgotten Sect in the Church (Singlehood)

My heart is heavy, and my eyes are wet, so you’ll have to excuse me here, if I step on few toes, because I am going to do that.
Here goes the trend: You train us in the children’s church, then in the youths and after we’ve passed that age then you are done with us and say you can go now. Go where? Fish husbands for ourselves? Does anyone have a passion for the Single People? Is anyone ready to pour into us and mentor us? We need people that are willing to show us not tell us. As an African, I know how we love to hide things especially events relating to the mistakes we’ve made during our adolescent and single days. But perhaps the very shameful past you’re trying to hide, and cover might be what I need to prevent me from making the same mistakes in my single journey.

Looking at today’s Christian Single ladies, almost 75% are discouraged and tired of looking for a husband. But who told them that it is their job, and that’s what they should be doing? Since we are in the open like sheep without a shepherd, we then take on the responsibility of shepherding ourselves into relationships that are out of God’s plan and purpose for our lives which leads us to road bumps experience and relationship crash, so we take shortcuts out. We end up being criticised and judged. But who’s going to teach us how to persevere and overcome the temptations we face in the ‘Singlehood?’ How to discover our purpose, how to serve God with the talents and the giftings He’s deposited in us, how to enjoy this Season and live all out for God, how to be a wife, and a woman of virtue? Who’s going to teach us about longevity in marriage? Everyone is busy teaching the children and the youths. We call them the next generation. Yes, they are, don’t get me wrong, we are also the next married group, but no one got time to invest and mentor the singles, and teach them what to expect in their next phase. Unless you don’t want us to marry someday, but if you do, then mentor us.

My heart is just full to bursting. I have met, heard about and spoken to many single ladies who are going through tough times including myself, trying to figure out where we fit in the church. And please don’t send us to the women’s department and leave us there, because there are some things we can’t talk about in that range for fear of being judged and criticised. The majority of married women don’t seem to understand us only a few do, or perhaps few are ready to admit the struggles they also went through at that phase. And don’t tell me it doesn’t happen because it does.

Stop forgetting about us. We are the next Kingdom Family Generation. We are next in line to enter the matrimonial ministry and if you don’t teach and mentor us, how can we grid up and get ready for that subsequent phase? Apparently, no one has time for us.
Excuse me, if I am coming out so hard because I have to pour it out. And please stop trying to fix us up and match-mate us. You are not a matchmaker. That’s God’s job. I’ve watched the church do the same thing especially the past seven to eight years. It’s all about the youths. I am not saying we should not invest in the youths because I was once in that ministry and I know how it has impacted my life, but we also have singles who don’t fit in that age gap anymore. Including the single mothers as well, who have children out of wedlock, and wondering if they’ll ever fit in the church without people looking down on them.

I appreciate all the married women who have opened up about their married life, the ups and the downs and how God’s grace is taking them through. But we will highly appreciate married and older women in the faith, that won’t mind opening up about the struggles they went through in their single days, the temptations they faced, the relationship issues and how they conquered the pressure. You know how the Bible says ‘Love covers a multitude of sins’, you opening up to us, will surely help prevent a ‘multitude’ of temptations and snares we might fall into, in this Singlehood journey.

Again, does anyone genuinely care about the single people? And stop asking us ‘what are you waiting for to get married.’ Don’t pressure us and stop reminding us of our age and that timing is running out. Honestly, I can’t bottle this up anymore; it’s heartbreaking listening to single ladies repeating the same story of how they’ve been pressured and questioned about their status. We are not incomplete! So please help us belong and fit in your midst as one big happy family and make provision for us to be mentored and inspired.

To my beautiful single ladies, I commend you for your courage and determination to wait no matter how long it takes, for God to bring that right man He’s made only for you. You are an excellent definition of patience, trust, stability and steadfastness. Let your mind rest in the all Knowing and never Changing God of the Universe. He knows you way before your creation, and He has surely made all things to fall into pleasant places for you at the right time and location. I know it can be quite confronting when challenged with the questions of ‘what are you waiting for and when Mr Right is going to come?’ Remember God knows the end of a matter before its beginning, so He surely knows you and your desires.

I encourage you, my lovely princesses, in this beautiful phase of ‘Singlehood’ we find ourselves, to invite the Holy Spirit to be our daily companion and guide in life. And watch Him use you and me to do the extraordinary in this planet.

You are a lady for The King! You are His Princess! That’s who you are!

Comments are welcome.

2 thoughts on “Finding Purpose in the Seasons of Life”

  1. So very true! I was according to many church people “very old” when I married at 31. I had a passion and desire to be married with children since I was saved at aged 20. I pined for children and went through many phases of feeling “not good enough” “too old” “unloveable” – I had insensitive but well meaning should asking constantly when was I going to find Mr Right til after a while I said “Only God knows that answer, but in the meantime feel free to pray for me.”
    I was still going to “Youth Group” from 24 when I became serious about my faith until 30 albeit in a leader capacity because there were no single ladies my age and the older marrieds didn’t mix with the singles- even single groups which were attempted to be formed felt like match making from the church sometimes. I moved between contentment being single, to grieving in loneliness, to angry at times I felt forgotten. It is a very hard season some days and God is the only one who can truly know and understand my heart, but I understand and will continue to pray for the single women and men in our church. My season these last months and at present is looking after two elderly and sick parents, but I am here to pray, listen and I hope move to action. As always I love listening to your heart Catherine 🙏🏽❤️

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    1. Thanks so much for your comment Sue. Thanks for understanding how we Singles feel at times, and the struggles and pressure we go through in our daily lives. Thanks for always being there to listen.
      God’s blessings.

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