The Fear of the Adapting Process
How do you fit in?
I decided to take on a course in that unfamiliar place. It didn’t sound right that someone like me will venture into such challenge. I got mocked and criticised for taking on such a big challenge. The worst thing about the mockery was that it was in a language I couldn’t understand. Got ridiculed at times and was too ashamed and scared to make any contribution.
The people in the unfamiliar surroundings weren’t helping my adapting process. If anything, they made it hard. I wasn’t accepted the way I was. It was hard to meet the expectations, and there was no way I could meet the demands either. They were too much and way overwhelming for me. I cried, I prayed, I asked so many ‘whys’ and the ‘when will it end’ questions.
The process was fierce, too intense that it leaves my heart beating so fast anytime I face the expectations laid before me.
I couldn’t understand why God took me through that process. Nor did I had a clue that the unfamiliar place was going to be that intense. I got called names all because of the expectations I wasn’t meeting. At a point, it started changing my personality. Nothing I did was ever enough to receive encouragement.
Fear and intimidation gripped my heart. I was so naïve and scared of the comments I would receive if I dared ask a question! Sometimes I didn’t even know if I should sit or stand. The expectations were too much for me. The adapting process was painful. The harsh whispers were too much to bear. All I wanted was to belong. I tried so hard to feel accepted and appreciated, that I got weighed down by the pain of rejection. I later realised that I had two choices, to either stay at that rejection place or shake it off my shoulders and move forward.
So one thing I did was to close my ears from the whispers, wash the humiliations off my face, and the mockery off my mind, and then push through having my eyes on the finish line.
The story that came to my mind is the woman with the alabaster box in the book of Luke chapter 7. She knew that her type wasn’t accepted where she found herself looking for Jesus. She may have been ridiculed, mocked and almost pushed out of the way when she decided to make her way to Jesus. The pain of rejection, the whispers of mockery and the painful names didn’t discourage her. She kept pushing her way forward, and she dared to step out in the open even when she knew it was a risk for humiliation. She refused to look at the faces of her mockers, nor did she allow them to block her way. She looked on straight ahead, having one mission, ‘to get to the Master’s feet’. She finally got there, fulfilled her purpose and made history. At the end of the day, she got more than she pushed for in that place. It was a worthy cause! The push became worth it; the humiliation becomes a story of the past, the mockery were stepping stones that propelled her to push forward into her destiny.
Sometimes we give up at the verge of breaking through. No one says it’s going to be smooth and laid-back, remember it wasn’t easy for Jesus either. He prayed hard at the garden of Gethsemane, pushed through the critics and humiliations, taking on the weight of the Cross. But it was worth it when He rose again in Glory. The fight at Calvary gave us Victory.
Looking back, I now realise that all I went through were workouts that built my courage and determination to continue pushing until what I pressed for was achieved. The ‘Open’ is wide, it’s windy, it’s cold, and it can be risky. But it takes a determined heart and a purpose-filled mind to break through, seeing the ‘Open’ as a step to see beyond your current location and into the future you are meant to fulfil.
How are you adapting in the unfamiliar?
Comments are welcome.